


If It's a Choice Between The Mundane and the Fantastic, You Have To Consider Which Category Your Life Fell Into Beforehand

by knightofsuperior



Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game), Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23764504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightofsuperior/pseuds/knightofsuperior
Summary: While Date and Aiba may not know what exactly brought them to a realm of magic and monsters, one thing's for sure: there's always hidden truths, there's always some crime to solve, and there's always a chance that this is the day Date gets his face kicked in.He really hopes otherwise.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	If It's a Choice Between The Mundane and the Fantastic, You Have To Consider Which Category Your Life Fell Into Beforehand

**Author's Note:**

> Quick formatting note: Date and Aiba can and will talk aloud, which will look like normal dialogue. Italicized and bolded/Italicized, Bolded, and Underlined will indicate a telepathic conversation.

“Date, I believe I’m experiencing an error with my visual output.”

“Funny, I was about to say the same thing.”

Date’s AI-Ball moved from side to side, whirring and darting back and forth. “Date, I am being entirely serious. My database indicates such a thing must be fiction, but...it appears there is a dragon in the sky!”

Date squinted with his own eye. “I see a wyvern.”

“Date, the terms are interchangeable. Clearly, we are seeing the same thing.”

“No,” Date argued, “A dragon has four legs. A wyvern has two, and little T-Rex arms. I read it in a magazine once.”

“Date, a pornographic magazine does not qualify as a reputable source for-” Aiba stopped. “...Date?”

“Yeah?”

“I believe we should move.”

Date frowned. “What? It’s not coming towards us, so it’s not like we need to-”

“I believe we have a different concern. My sensors indicate a humanoid heat signature approaching. Rapidly.”

“Oh, good. We can have them break the tie.”

“Date, they’re armed!”

Date reached for his gun, sighing heavily. “I know, I know.” He turned around, expecting to hear a lot of yelling from Aiba about where and how to fire (but rarely why until after the fact, he mused).

Instead, however, he was met with a sword pointed straight at his throat. “Ah, ah, ah,” the blonde, tan-skinned woman in front of him chided. “I wouldn’t move an inch more if I were you.” Behind her, Date could make out a squadron of…

...armored knights.

With even more wyverns behind  _ them _ .

**_Aiba,_ ** he thought,  **_I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore._ **

**_Date, we were in Tokyo-oh, I see. You’re referring to The Wizard of Oz, the fantasy film from 1939. You know, I’ve often thought of you as analogous to the Lion._ **

**_Aw, come on! I’m better than that! I’m the Scarecrow, at least!_ **

**_...I actually agree. It would be nice if you had a brain._ **

**_Exac-WAIT._ **

The woman grinned, gesturing with her free hand to Date’s gun. “I don’t quite know what that thing in your hand is, but I’d advise dropping it. Now.”

Date complied, letting it fall to the ground. “Anything for a lovely lady.”

**_Date, this is not the time to let your arousal get the better of you._ **

**_It’s not that! I’m just trying to get on the good side of the gal with the giant kitchen knife-it’s not because I want her to step on me or anything!_ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_I have reason to disagree._ **

“While the compliment is appreciated, I’m not on the market.” The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Now, care to explain why the locals have seen you skulking around?”

“I prefer the term _slinking._ _Skulking_ is such a loaded-” Date held his hands up as the squadron trained their weapons on him. “Okay, okay! We- _I’m_ kind of lost, and I was hoping to get some information _without_ getting eaten by the big lizard in the sky.”

**_I thought you said it was a wyvern._ **

“Lost?” the woman asked, eyebrow raised. “How could you possibly get lost in a town of thirty people?”

“Well, you see,” Date began. “It all started- **_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?_ ** ” he cried, pointing behind the woman.

The woman spun around, her sword raised. She paused. “That’s just the Monastery.” 

“Not that,  _ behind _ that!” Date insisted, pointing towards the sky. “All of you guys can see it too, right?” he asked the knights. “That thing!”

After a few murmurs, the knights (along with the wyvern riders) followed their leader’s example and turned around. “I don’t see anything,” one replied. “Just the cathedral towers.”

The woman glanced back towards Date. “Are you trying to-”

She stared into the eyes of another woman holding a knife up to Date’s throat.

**_Wow, Date. You’re Mr. Popular today._ **

**_I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for this meddling goth._ **

“Catherine, we really need to talk about your spatial awareness.”

Catherine- 

**_Not the name I expected-still, that reminds me, I really need to finish that game someday._ **

**_You still haven’t finished the first level of Super Mario Bros._ **

**_It’s not my fault the Goomba won’t get out of my way!_ **

-nodded to her partner. “I know, Shamir, I know. But if there  _ was _ something, I’d want to be aware of it. Besides, this guy doesn’t seem to be too much of a threat.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Shamir glanced down at the weapon Date had dropped. “This seems to be some kind of bow-and his left eye is clearly fake. He could be hiding an incendiary device behind it. I’ve dealt with enough spies to tell.

**_Aiba, she thinks you’re the bomb!_ **

**_Well, it’s nice to know someone recognizes my hard work._ **

“Look,” Date piped up, “This is all a big misunderstanding.”

“Do enlighten us,” Shamir replied, her knife never moving from its position. “Who are you?”

“Date Kaname. Special inspector for the Advanced Brain Investigation Squad, of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.” He gestured towards a pocket on the front of his shirt. “I have my ID and everything. Feel free to check.”

**_Date, I have reason to believe there is no Tokyo here, nor any region from where we-_ **

**_But maybe_** ** _they_** **_don’t know that! They can’t prove I don’t live somewhere they’ve never been._**

**_...I believe the term for that is “bullshit,” Date._ **

Catherine blinked. “Tokyo...is that somewhere in the Empire?”

“Nope, it’s in a far off, mystical island nation known only as... _ Japan. _ ”

**_Date, this is physically hurting me._ **

She looked to Shamir. “Ever been there?”

“Can’t say I have.” Shamir dug through the pocket, pulling out the ID. “It’s certainly well-made...and in a language I’ve never seen.” She tossed it to Catherine, who squinted as she tried to read the characters.

“This some kind of code?”

“No, it’s Japanese. As in, from  _ Japaaaaaaaaaaaaan, _ ” he reiterated, making sure to warble his voice.

**_Date, please do not treat our home like a foreign Internet celebrity would._ **

**_Aiba, this is a land of swords and sorcery. This kind of shit is the norm._ **

**_I do not believe your Dungeons and Dragons sessions with the Boss are a good indicator of the “norm.”_ **

“Well, I think we know someone who can fact-check this for us.” Catherine grimaced. “As much as I’d rather not have to deal with Seteth right now. He’s in one of his moods.”

“Then what do you propose we do with him?”

“I mean,” Date offered, “You  _ could _ show me to the nearest inn, with the sexiest barmaid, and I won’t  _ want  _ to leave for a while.”

Catherine thought for a moment. “Throw him in a cell?”

Shamir nodded. “Throw him in a cell.”

“Oh,  _ come on! _ ”


End file.
